Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Seven Sinners.....and me.


One of the most difficult things about having children is that it reveals your own ugly humanness, your own sin.

I've said so many times, "I never knew I had an anger problem until I had kids."

It is also revealing of selfishness, impatience, pride, and a whole host of others.

I have 7 little reflections of my own sinfulness looking to me everyday to feed them - not just physically, but spiritually.

Reading through Kings right now, I've noticed how after many of the kings, the mother's name is listed (as in, "His mother's name was so-and-so".  In particular, I notice the kings who sought after the Lord when their father did not, and I recognize that the credit may very well go to the mother for teaching her son the ways of the Lord.  I want to be like these mothers!  (Not the ones mentioned whose sons were wicked!)

How in the world can this be possible when everyday, I not only see my own past struggles with particular sins exemplifying themselves in my precious children, but I also have to deal with my current issues with sin. Normally hidden just under the surface like a ragged nail under some pretty, sparkly nailpolish, but after a day (or hour, or minute or blasted second!) of being filed away on under the harsh, sandpaper-like surface of the emery boards known as my offspring, it is uglier than it was before I tried to hide it!

The Biblical phrase "work out your salvation with fear and trembling" comes to mind.  I need to cast myself daily on His mercies, on His willingly offered forgiveness, recognize daily that it is not about my own strength of willpower, my own determination not to yell, not to be impatient, not to grab the shoelaces out of fumbling fingers and TIE THEM MYSELF! - It is only and HAS to only be about Jesus and the strength He allows me for each day, one day at a time.

If I allow myself to be debilitated by sin constantly revealed, I am defeated, I am exhausted, I have not honored the One Who died for me.

If I recognize the sin and stop and thank the Lord for allowing me the spiritual eyes to see it as sin, for giving me the reminder (yet again) that I'm not perfect, not even close, that in so many ways, I am just like my children, whining about a simple task, or even outwardly defiant, running away and slamming the door in His face - then I can breathe, call upon His grace, and give Jesus and His forgiveness, as well as my own, to my children, rather than Angry Mother.  Am I greater than He that I should demand and expect instant obedience while the consequences of harsh discipline and yelling wait in the wings?

Romans 2:4 states that "His kindness leads us to repentance".

How fitting then that these 7 blessings He has seen fit to surround me with would also lead me to repentance - if I choose.  Can I also be thankful for their sin, in a way, because it continuously drives me to my Savior?  Because "He works all things together for good".

My heart is to teach them His ways - the ways of love, repentance, and forgiveness - and not my ways! This can only be done by His grace, through His grace, because of His grace and His filling of love, love to be given away.

Many people, friends, strangers on the street, the taxi driver, wonder, "Lady, how do you do it?"

I fail.  I strive only to show them Jesus.

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